If you’ve been alive in the last two months, you’ve no doubt seen the countless posts from parents (moms!) seeking advice about what to buy for their student’s dorm room or sharing the bargain finds.  You’ve seen the pictures of piles of dorm items and wondered if that mom is renting a Uhaul to get it all to school.  (She no doubt is!)  But, are parents who are running the dorm prep show missing an opportunity to help their student start learning valuable life lessons?

(I write this based on my own personal and professional experience, knowing that there are a million different ways to get any one job done.  There really is no single right or wrong answer.)

In my experience, the answer is a resounding YES.  So much of college is about learning to make decisions.  On the surface, parents want to say that they’re sending their student off to school to get a degree and make money.  Digging deeper, we all want to help our student grown into an independent adult who makes good decisions, too.  I’d argue that the college dorm is the first step.

Am I suggesting you just walk away from your student with a “figure it out”?  No, absolutely not.  Students operate at all different levels, just like adults.  But for all students there is a starting point. Figure out what your student’s starting point is.  Have they handled projects responsibly in the past, say something like redecorating their room or packing for camp?  Or, are they new to decision making with you doing it all in the past?  Chances are that your student is somewhere in the middle of “they’d sit on the floor in the dark without me” and “just give me the credit card.”

Talk with your student about a budget for their dorm expenses. Even if you are filthy rich, discussing a budget is an important thing to do as it helps get your student ready for learning personal finances.  Think about it, did you get filthy rich by making bad choices?? For the rest of the population, an early budget discussion helps set expectations and avoid arguments down the road.

Now that you and your student have agreed on a budget, have a discussion with them about some things they may need for their dorm.  They may need you to help make some suggestions. They may need some guidance on cutting back on the list to fit the budget.  What is truly important here is that you are helping them develop critical thinking, planning and budgeting.  You are helping them to take steps forward rather than just doing it for them.

Let them do the shopping.  It’s great to go with them (just in case) but make your student an integral part of the shopping experience. Have them help look for coupons and shop for deals.  If there are two comparable twin xl comforters, allow them to make the choice.  Empowering your students is a paramount part of the college experience.  If you really want to make a choice for them to make yourself feel more part of the process, do something like pick out a nice frame and fill it with favorite family and pet photos.

My name is Friday Boyer.  At The College Success Coach, I work with college students nationwide teaching them how to be successful.  Time Management. Planning.  Organization. Study Skills. Testing Techniques.  www.facebook.com/collegesuccesscoach